Dear Cede,

13-swimToday is your thirteenth birthday and you aren’t here to celebrate with us. That will never stop being terrible. You would be a teenager. I can’t help but wonder what you would be like as a teenager but I hope that in heaven you are still nine…my little girl…crazy, loud, beautiful, loving, spunky. Today was horrible here with out you. Your Mommy is not so good on days like today. We picked out some new flowers for your vase at the memorial garden. Every singleĀ store we walked into I saw something that reminded me of you and I burst into tears every time. Peacocks and butterflies are still everywhere…how did you know to leave us with those things to hold onto? And they are always side by side. And I keep seeing pictures that say “You are my sunshine”. Our song. I stood in the store today looking at one and sobbing. I wish I could see a tiny glimpse of your celebration in heaven today with all your friends. Maybe that would have made today easier. I can imagine that Claire had a very pink and purple tea party set up, Carter brought all the snugly puppies to your party with him, and you and Miranda painted some beautiful butterfly pictures together. I just wish we were there, too. Earth is not so great with out you here. I miss you, baby. So much. You made every day a celebration. I miss that. It really doesn’t get easier to live without you. Not that I ever thought it would. Just know that your family misses you terribly every day. You are my sunshine…forever.

Love, Mommy

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